This odd behavior mostly shows up when others are criticizing us, disappointed or angry about something we did. Odd because it's so useless.
In those moments, there are already plenty of other people beating you up. Save yourself the trouble.
The rest of the time, when things are going well, it's foolish to stop and engage in self-criticism. It makes more sense to encourage yourself, to bootstrap your way to even more of a ruckus.
So, the moments left to beat yourself up = zero.
Onward.
October 22, 2016
Peeves make lousy pets.
They're difficult to care for, they eat a lot, and they don't clean up after themselves.
October 21, 2016
This is more difficult than it sounds.
To some people, it means admitting you were wrong.
(But of course, you weren't wrong. You made a decision based on one set of facts, but now you're aware of something new.)
To some people, sunk costs are a real emotional hot button, and walking away from investments of time, of money, and mostly, of commitment, is difficult.
(But of course, ignoring sunk costs is a key to smart decision making).
And, to some people, the peer pressure of sticking with the group that you joined when you first made a decision is enough to overwhelm your desire to make a better decision. "What will I tell my friends?"
A useful riff you can try:
Sure, I decided that then, when I knew what I knew then. And if the facts were still the same, my decision would be too. But the facts have changed. We've all heard them. New facts mean it's time for me to make a new decision, without regard for what I was busy doing yesterday, without concern for the people who might disagree with me. My guess is that once they realize these new facts, they're likely to make the same new decision I just did.
This decision is more important than my pride.
PS Today might be a good day to consider the altMBA. Our next session of this intense workshop is in January, and we're accepting applications right now. Every previous session has been completely full, and this one will be no exception…
October 20, 2016
If you're sharing a cab to the airport with a stranger, what happens if he's two inches taller than you? Probably nothing. There's nothing to distract, or to cause discomfort. You make small talk.
What if he's a little shorter than you? Or left handed?
Perhaps he's not from your town, but from Depew, about twenty miles away. Probably nothing to consider…
What if he has shoulder-length red hair?
At some point, most people reach a moment of discomfort. What if he's 7 feet tall? Will you mention it? Or if he's under four feet? What if he's from a different country? Or a different race or speaking with a significant accent (or, more accurately, an accent that's different from yours)?
For as long as we've been keeping records, human beings have been on alert for the differences that divide us. Then we fixate on those differences, amplifying them, ascribing all sorts of irrelevant behaviors to them. Until, the next thing you know, we start referring to, "those people."
It seems as though it's a lot more productive to look for something in common. Attitudes and expectations. Beliefs in the common good and forward motion. A desire to make something that matters…
Because there's always more in common than different.
[and just out, here's a bonus interview with Marie.]
October 19, 2016
We've been planning this one for months…
On Saturday, December 10, I'll be running an all-day session in New York. You can find all the details and tickets by visiting this site.
I want to connect you to other people making a ruckus.
I want to create an environment where you can learn more and dream bigger.
And I'd like to do it in a way that lasts.
Forgive me for going so long without holding one of these remarkable sessions. On December 10, we're going to try to make up for lost time.
It's designed for leaders, connectors and makers. While we will talk a bit about marketing, it's mostly about making a difference, seeing opportunities and changing things around you for the better. In the past, we've had CEOs of fast-growing companies, younger contributors just starting out in their careers, and solo freelancers as well. People come from all over the world, from non-profits and from the Fortune 100 as well.
Alert readers of this blog qualify for a $45 discount using the code LeapFirst.
There are fewer than six hundred seats, and many of them are reserved for groups of two or five, so if you're interested, I hope you'll check it out soon.
Hope to see you there.
October 18, 2016
Sir Kensington’s Ketchup is better ketchup. Most adults who try it agree that it’s more delicious, a better choice. Alas, Heinz has a host of significant advantages, including dominant shelf space, a Proustian relationship with our childhood and unlimited money to spend on advertising.
The thing is, you can buy Sir Kensington’s any time you want to. And when you buy it, that’s what you get.
You’re not buying it to teach Heinz a lesson. You’re buying it because that’s the ketchup you want.
The marketing of Sir Kensington is simple: If you want better ketchup, buy this, you’ll get it.
Elections in the US don’t work this way.
I’m calling it a third-party problem because the outcome of third-party efforts don’t align with the marketing (and work) that goes into them.
Ross Perot, the third-party candidate who ran against Bush and Clinton, cost Bush that election. The people who voted for Perot got Clinton, and it’s pretty clear that the Republicans learned nothing from this, as the next winning candidate they nominated was… George Bush.
Ralph Nader, the third-party candidate who ran against Bush and Gore, cost Gore that election. The people who voted for Nader got Bush, and it’s pretty clear that the Democrats learned nothing from this, as the next person they nominated was… John Kerry.
[Irrelevant aside: John Kerry was married to the heir of the Heinz Ketchup fortune.]
[I’m calling it a ‘problem’ because I have such huge respect for people who care enough and are passionate enough to support change. The problem is that since Gus Hall, and then John Anderson and then the more recent candidates, just about all the changes that third parties have tried to bring to national politics have foundered. It just isn’t a useful way to market change in this country.]
If enough people spent enough time, day after day, dollar after dollar, we could fundamentally alter the historic two-party system we have in the US. But it’s been shown, again and again, that the easy act of letting oneself off the hook by simply voting for a third-party candidate accomplishes nothing.
The marketing of the third-party candidate is: Teach those folks a lesson, plus, you’re not on the hook for what happens. But…
No one in government is learning a lesson.
And you don’t even get who you voted for.
The irony is not lost on me. A small group of voters who care a great deal are spending psychic energy on a vote that undermines the very change they seek to make.
It’s a self-defeating way of letting yourself off the hook, but of course, you’re actually putting yourself on the hook, just as you do if you don’t vote at all.
No candidate has earned a majority of all potential (regardless of registration) voters, not once in my lifetime. Which means that the people who don’t vote, or who vote for a third-party candidate, have an enormous amount of power. Which they waste.
Yes, it’s on you. Your responsibility to vote for one of two people, and to be unhappy with that conundrum if you choose. And then work to change the system, and keep working at it…
But it’s not like ketchup. With ketchup, you get what you choose. With voting, we merely get the chance to do the best we can on one particular day, and then spend years working for what we might want.
It turns out that democracy involves a lot more than voting.
October 17, 2016
The things that break all at once aren’t really a problem. You note that they’ve broken, and then you fix them.
The challenge is corrosion. Things that slowly fade, that eventually become a hassle–it takes effort and judgment to decide when it’s time to refurbish them.
And yes, the same thing is true for relationships, customer service and all the 'soft' stuff that matters so much.
October 16, 2016
Most of us need an external stimulus to do our best work.
It helps to have an alarm clock if you want to get out of bed before dawn.
A presentation. A deadline. A live performance. The threat of foreclosure, an upcoming review or some sort of crisis.
We can use these pressures to dig deeper, find new resources and overcome our self doubt.
The challenge is that sometimes, we pick the wrong stimulus. We choose a prompt to serve us, but we end up serving it, in a situation that hurts us (and others) instead of fueling the work.
It’s essential to realize that our discomfort zone is a choice, there isn’t a pre-ordained roster. If you need a deadline, for example, but have discovered that those deadlines are costing you money (because shortcuts are expensive), then it’s worth doing the hard work to find a new form of discomfort.
The problem with a drop-dead deadline is that if you miss it, you’re dead.
If you need to make huge promises and add all sorts of hype, but that hype is hurting your reputation, again, it’s worth investing in a new way to poke yourself to dig deeper.
When we hear about divas, or dysfunctional managers, more often than not we see a situation where someone who should know better has chosen the wrong form of discomfort.
The argument can be made that the biggest difference between a professional, an amateur and someone who’s not even participating is their choice of discomfort.
Give it a name, call it out. Your discomfort zone is a choice, and if it’s not serving you, fix it.
Like all tools, the right one serves the professional.
October 15, 2016
You're trying to get through all the noise and the distraction and the clutter with your message.
Here's the thing: You are the noise and the distraction and the clutter.
Just because it's important to you doesn't mean it's important to us.
It is, of course, in the eye of the beholder.
Instead of creating an ad campaign that somehow cuts and invades, consider creating a product, a service and a story that we'd miss if we couldn't find it.
October 14, 2016
if we chose to:
Get better at setting and honoring deadlines
Help one more person, each day
Sit in the front row
Ask a hard question every time we go to a meeting
Give more and take less
Learn to master a new tool
Ask why
All of these are choices, choices that require no one to choose us or give us permission.
Every time I find myself wishing for an external event, I realize that I'm way better off focusing on something I can control instead.
October 13, 2016
