How many record execs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

From Dan Kennedy’s very funny new book:

First of all, before we change anything, is the light bulb really
burned out? Maybe we just need to breathe some life into it; repackage
it, maybe the light bulb could do a duet with somebody (Sheryl Crow?
Tim McGraw?) in hopes of getting some crossover appeal, maybe it could
be in a beer commercial, maybe we could get it out on the road with a
brighter light bulb. The other thing to think about is that this
summer, Honda is rolling out a 100 Million dollar campaign for a new
car aimed at thirty-somethings who consider themselves
adventurous/spontaneous but can’t really afford something like a luxury
S.U.V. and it might be a perfect campaign to tie this light bulb into,
at least it would be the perfect demographic, in terms of age.

Also, and this is just an idea: what if we found out what video
games are being released in the third quarter and maybe pitched the
idea of having our light bulb make an appearance in the video game at
some certain level of completion; like, you get to a dark cave, let’s
say, if it’s an adventure game, and if you have enough points you can
get the light bulb – and it would be our light bulb, obviously – and
then it’s easier to see in the cave. The other thing is this:
worst-case scenario the light bulb is, in fact, burned out. Is that
really the end of the world? I mean, maybe that’s actually of more
value to us in the long run: Picture this for voice over: "The light
bulb is dead. . . but the legend lives on. . . re-released,
re-mastered, revealed. . . the light bulb. . . IN STORES NOW." It
almost makes more sense than taking the time changing it, plus, if it’s
dead we can sell it without dealing with it, you know what I mean? No
demands from it, no hotels, no road expense, no delays in the project
from its end, etc. But, like I said, I’m just thinking off the top of
my head here, just brainstorming, and none of this is written in stone.
But the first thing we should do is figure out how we want to handle
this, because the light bulb’s manager is a total nightmare and we’re
going to have to take a meeting and listen to him sooner or later, and
we should know what our plan is before we sit down with him. And let me
tell you right now that the first thing out of his mouth is going to
be, "This light bulb should be the brightest light bulb in the world,
and it could be the brightest light bulb in the world, but you need to
support the light bulb, you need to give the light bulb TV ads, you
need to be more active in giving the light bulb tour support, we need
to have some promotion from your end!" and on and on. And in that
meeting, if you’re in it, the only answer from our side should be that
we’re obviously very excited to be working with the light bulb, that we
don’t think it needs to be changed, that the only problem is people
haven’t seen how bright the light bulb could be, and our plan is to do
everything we can to make this light bulb happen.

I’ll send out an email to everyone before the meeting to remind
people of our position on this, but the bottom line is we don’t have
the budgets right now, and basically we need to see something happening
with the light bulb before we go throwing good money after bad, but
obviously we can’t have the light bulb’s manager hearing that. I can
tell you all that I’m personally very excited to be working with the
light bulb, I think it will light up very brightly, and we’re not going
to stop working the light bulb, in whatever ways budgets will permit,
until it does, in fact, light up very brightly. . . the light bulb is a
very big priority for us from the top of the company to the bottom.
Period. We can talk more about this when I am back from Barbados next
week, and I’m going to need everybody’s help on this. I know we can do
it, but we need everybody working hard.