Here's the best way to improve your business plan or your resume:
Have someone else write it.
Find a friend of a friend, a document-buddy, someone who needs the same thing done for them, but not someone who is a close friend. And then interview each other and write the other person's plan.
Don't show them the existing plan or document, and don't read it to them. Have a conversation. Tell your story. Answer questions. And then see what they come up with.
Writing about yourself is infinitely harder than writing about someone else–and you're going to discover that the story you thought you were telling probably isn't the story that's coming across.