It doesn’t really matter, does it?
All of your bad habits (and some of your good ones) exist to fill that hole, or to protect it from being seen.
And as long as our mission is to fill the hole, and as long as the hole remains unfillable (and after all this time, if it’s not filled yet, good luck with that) it doesn’t really matter how small or trivial or unmentionable the hole is.
It still drives us.
The first step to living with it is to acknowledge it.
You can’t make it go away.
But you can learn to dance with it.